Which is Me?

“Who am I”

I question

I no longer know the answer

I was told to change

“Change to someone”

“Change is mandatory”

I was told

“Survive or Die”

“Decision is Yours”

I comply

Different Door to Different Path

Different way,  I’ve become

I no longer, know who I was

I no longer am, who I was

“Which is Me”

I question

“Which is Me”

I answer

“I am lost “

Which door to open

To become Me Again

Pain, Sorrow, Frustration

I felt from within

Unable to express the Me from within

Who Am I

I question again

Where or How to

Which is Me

 

I’ve come across Art Therapy and was asked  to try it out. From my understanding, it is said to aid in recovering or relieve from anxiety, stress, depression, troubles etc?? It’s a way to release the inner pain, to showcase what is inside that is unable to be express out.

And I tried out myself with the randomly creating above abstract simple sketch of my inner thought and feeling. And suddenly the thought/idea of a short poetry that i came out with. I think it kinda work a bit.

And i kinda want to use acrylic color paint on a huge canvas board and just vent out all my feeling out. But it is quite expensive to get, so I’ll just make do on a small size paper that I have on hand.

Depicting My work:

The door shown on my work was the difference scenario i have face. My desire, my fear, my troubles, time is running short etc.

The green crack shown and red tears from the eye. Shows how I feel pain of changing to someone i am not, in order to survive in society. To the extend that i no longer know what path to take. Each door i open and enter, is a identity that i showcase to others.

I was in a lost stage, not knowing what to do with life. Being told what to do and what to become. I was frustrated to become someone i am not. Being told by people around, bosses, coworker etc. To change to become someone. Such as be more outgoing, to join in to gossip talk, to become like others, do what they do etc. But that is not me, i am an introvert and expecting me to become someone i am not is like putting a knife at my throat.

I was not happy this few years, being the person i am not to the public, to my friends, people at work. To the extend that i really feel like closing all doors. I am tired of all this forcing me to become what i am not.

Well, i agree that changes is necessary to become better and to achieve something. But having to follow all the footstep to become successful in life. It is not what i am, but that what society and people around me is forcing or pushing me to become.

All of this experience, really broken me down from the inside. I could no longer contain what i cannot become. Even if i am not as successful as other have become, that is their life. It is not mine.

I realize that i shouldn’t care less to other demanded me to become. I should just be myself and do what i can do. If i really want to achieve something, i should do it at my own pace.

Now my goal was to find back myself first, be myself. In order to move on and do well with life. If i am still utterly broken from the inside, it will only disrupt my daily life as it is now. I should focus on what can make me happy and how do i achieve it that can be incorporated in living on. Then can i deal with other outer force that is obstructing my way to become better.